Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
