Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
