Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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