woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
