It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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