my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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