So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
