Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
