I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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