It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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