Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
