just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
In America we eat man semen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
