The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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