ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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