Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
