I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
