he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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