dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
