I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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