I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
