alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize