did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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