Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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