She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
