Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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