Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
