He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
