Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
