i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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