I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
