She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
