you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
