Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is the high leading the old right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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