Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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