Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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