Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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