I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
