No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you inspire me to be a worse person
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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