Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
