The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
