he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her vagine was all disorganized.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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