Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
