Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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