One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
