1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
