yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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