I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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