Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
