totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
