Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
