Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
