had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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