Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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