And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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