Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
