the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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