you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
