If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
