i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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