I'm going to jail i love you
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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