Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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