Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize