thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
