You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I won the penis lottery.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
