That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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