I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
