It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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