any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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