Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
