You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i dont even know how to be here
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
