Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
