i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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