considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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