i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
