the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
