when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
