I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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