so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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