and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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