dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
