this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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