Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
