fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize